Dear Tirzah, Happy 11 month anniversary!

On Tirzah’s 11 month anniversary, I finally put all her clothes and car seat in storage.

She’s truly gone from this earth and she’s not coming back.

But I *will* go to her… one day.

I will go to {her}, but {she} will not return to me. ~ 2 Samuel 12:23, {King David when his infant child died}

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I feel a true sense of peace and hope, almost a year after her death. I often think of her life verse: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one and come away…” And I know that it was the Lord who truly called her home.

Yet still Death is an Enemy… Death entered the world through sin, and death is of the Evil One. He came to thieve and destroy (John 10:10- The Thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. ; Romans 5:12- Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned..)

But now I have learned another secret to deep peace in the midst loss in this life: *Make a mockery of Death and of Evil itself.*

Where, O Death, is your victory?? Where, O Death, is your sting?? 

The last enemy to be destroyed is death.

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ~ (1 Corinthians 15:55)
For what Death intended to thieve from me- my daughter Tirzah, *Death has instead been *my servant* to return her to me, secured to me* for Eternity!!  And that is the *truest* reality:  eternity in God’s Kingdom. This life is like the blink of an eye and it’s *gone*. Therefore, I have removed from my vocabulary the phrase: “I lost my daughter.”

Tirzah’s death is no “loss”… it is my gain. Eternal Gain.

I speak of her life, her resurrection life… which is the only *true* and eternal life. While I do mourn- for I do miss her presence with me in this life and for now feel the chasm of time that separates; I mourn *with hope*- and that is true hope- based on the Resurrection of Jesus- for He defeated sin and death… He was our Forerunner, and our guarantee.

And now I feel more free than ever to truly live… “For my life [ on this earth] worth *nothing* to  me… *except* that I may testify to the Gospel of God’s grace.” (Acts 20:24)

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From The Cry of the Soul, by Dan Allender… These words are my very heart:

Death is an imposter; hopeless sorrow, a deceiver. Both pretend to be more true than trust. The Evil One uses death to force the question: “Can you trust a God who lest you and your loved ones suffer and die?”  …
But the sorrow of disappointed desire need not lead us away from God into hopelessness. Instead, it can lead us *toward* God in an invitation to hope.
The laughter of trust mocks evil. And true laughter is a reflection of resurrected hope. We mock evil with expectant tears that do not deny the laughter of the cross.
To taunt death and sorrow is to let tears cut a path in the soul that deepens the flow of passion toward good. It is to sweep deeply while simultaneously savoring the anticipation of the Day of Glory. It is to embrace trust over sight; passion over deadness. Those who weep will one day laugh, and the laughter of glory can be borrowed today to keep hope alive in the face of pain and death.”
Recently, on June 15, Elizabeth Elliott passed from this life into the next. I was gripped by her life and story, along with her first husband, Jim Elliott in a new way. Jim was murdered at the age of 28 by a tribe in Ecuador, whom he, along with his wife, baby daughter, and several other families had come to minister to.(Watch the documentary “Beyond the Gates of Splendor” if you have the chance!!

When I heard of Elizabeth’s death, I cried tears of joy and relief for her, mixed with a flood of my own grief… I just imagined how very very long she had waited for that day- to be reunited with Jim… and with her Savior. And I thought, that’s how I’m going to feel…  when I’m old, and probably in a nursing home, getting ready to die, I’ll just think- “finally, finally… I’ve *waited so long*… and now I get to see Tirzah… and my Savior face to face.”

Elizabeth Elliot is a wonderful mentor and example of looking to eternal things, seeking and serving the Kingdom of God in the aftermath of tragedy and death. I pray in some small portion to follow in her footsteps. (She along with the other wives whose husbands were also murdered, stayed to minister to these people, and they all excepted God’s gift of grace and forgiveness. One of the other men’s sons was even baptized by his father’s murderer. A truly miraculously scandalous story of God’s mercy!!)

And now that I am not guarding or protecting my life as precious… I feel that the possibilities are endless and I am excited to pray and watch how the Lord will lead our lives to serve His Kingdom until that day when we cross the River Jordan to the Promised Land.

Tirzah has been my beautiful little prophetess to teach me to “love the appearing” of the Lord (2 Tim 4:8), not the things of this world.


…and the day of death {is} better than the day of birth. ~ Ecclesiastes 7:1


Author: CatherineKnight36

First of all, I love Jesus. I am a wife to an amazing man, and mother of three: my 5 year old son Jeremiah, 1 year old son Judah, and my daughter, Tirzah, now 3 years, is waiting for me in the gardens of Heaven. I am also a Veterinarian. The goal of my blog: Creating community around an honest journey through the joy and grief of life. Blog Topics: Child loss and grief; Attachment Theory in Parenting; Mental Heatlh; Christian Theology and Ministry; Veterinary Medicine; and Community Stories.

4 thoughts on “Dear Tirzah, Happy 11 month anniversary!”

  1. Beautifully written, Catherine. Love you dear sister. We will see Tirzah and Michael again. We will continue to laugh and we will continue to move forward. *hugs*


  2. Dear Catherine, Your blog made me cry. Seeing Tirzah’s sweet face causes me to recall holding her and kissing her face. But I am thankful she is with God and enjoying eternal life with Him! I am also thankful that God is working in you and bringing you to a place where you are giving glory to God and sharing His mercy and grace with others. Love you, Mom


  3. Thank you for sharing. This post was cathartic. I’ve been so angry – failing to see the forest for the trees. My four “losses” are in fact not losses, but my gains. Eternal Gains.


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