I will carry you… all my life


Dear Tirzah,
Today marks 6 months… 6 months of missing you, longing for you, wishing you were here…. But knowing that each day you grow more radiant in the presence of the Lord, looking fully into His face. (Psalm 34:5- Those who look to him are radiant…)

Tirzah, in these 6 months you’ve taught me so much- about longing for Christ… missing Him and waiting for Him… and seeking His Kingdom. {2 Timothy 4:8, to “love his appearing”}

I know this is God’s good and glorious plan. But still… I had that little sailor swim suit and sun hat for you… the prettiest dresses… and your first little doll… And a million kisses…

Instead you are in the arms of the Lord, dressed in pure white… infinitely more beautiful than the little pink dress you wore…

I still believe that the touch of your face was my first touch of Heaven.

We will always miss you… and you will always remind us that our lives on this earth are not complete and you gently point our gaze Heavenward, and Kingdom-ward.

For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling,
For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened–… so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord,
for we walk by faith, not by sight.
Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.
So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ… Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. ~ 2 Corinthians 5

Tirzah, I remember laying on the recovery room bed, and the moment they brought you in to me… and my first glimpse of you… your face… it was then my heart fully shattered… a physical pain in my heart to see how perfect and beautiful you were, and all I could do was groan “ooooooooohhhhh” { “… groanings too deep for words. ~ Romans 8:26} That was the moment that my heart was truly knit to yours and a part of me died…

But I AM there with you now Tirzah… eternity is outside of linear time…. And I am there with you in eternity, at the feet of Jesus…

and standing… at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment… {together we} fall down before Him who is seated on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever. ~ {Luke 7 & Revelation 4}

The only reason I am still here now, inside of time is to bring as many people with us as possible… {Jude 1:23- “Rescue others by snatching them from the flames…” NLT}

My prayer, Tirzah, is still that your life will bear much fruit for God’s Kingdom:

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. ~ John 12:24

And Tirzah, knowing that the remainder of my life here is like a vapor, and will be gone “like a flower of the field”, and then mortality will be swallowed up in resurrected life, I say: “God be with you til we meet again, til we meet at Jesus’ feet.”

Love, your Mommy


Author: CatherineKnight36

First of all, I love Jesus. I am a wife to an amazing man, and mother of three: my 5 year old son Jeremiah, 1 year old son Judah, and my daughter, Tirzah, now 3 years, is waiting for me in the gardens of Heaven. I am also a Veterinarian. The goal of my blog: Creating community around an honest journey through the joy and grief of life. Blog Topics: Child loss and grief; Attachment Theory in Parenting; Mental Heatlh; Christian Theology and Ministry; Veterinary Medicine; and Community Stories.

One thought on “I will carry you… all my life”

  1. Catherine, As I look at Tirzah’s picture through a veil of tears, I feel the pain of missing her sweet face. But I realize that her work on earth was completed and that she passed the torch to her family and, especially you, to carry on His work here on earth. Six months sounds like a long time but it seems like only yesterday. I know God wanted her to enter her heavenly home where she can be with Jesus! My only hope is knowing that God has given us His Holy Spirit to help us through it all. Love, mom


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