don’t forget the dad

If you know someone who has lost a child and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you’ll make them sad by reminding them the child died…they didn’t forget they died.  You’re not reminding them. What you’re reminding them is that YOU remember they lived and that’s a GREAT, GREAT gift.

~ Elizabeth Edwards

I just came across this link that a friend, who has also lost a baby, sent to me:

http://starlegacyfoundation.org/information-for-family-and-friends/

Here are a few of the most helpful points:

1. Don’t forget the father.  In the case of a stillbirth, the mother must also recover physically from the delivery.  It can be easy to focus on her physical healing and forget that fathers hurt just as much.  Also, fathers may feel pressure to be strong for the mother – help him to grieve as well.

(Our very loved counselor, Cyndi Mesmer, gave Ryan and I matching bracelets that say “Tirzah Catherine”… that was very special, because that was the first time I think that Ryan felt specifically remembered in his grieving)

2. Acknowledge that this baby is a loved member of this family.

3. Let the family know you remember their child on special dates: anticipated due date, anniversary of birth day, holidays, etc. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are especially painful.

4. Remember them and their child in the months and years to come.  It doesn’t matter how much time has passed – they still love and miss their child daily.

5. Having subsequent children does not replace or take away the love for the child who has passed. These parents have been forever changed by the experiences they have had – just as if their child had lived.

6. Don’t expect them to be the same people they were before they became pregnant.  Accept them for who they are now and love the new person who has to be the parent of a heavenly child.

Most of all – remember that hugs and prayers go a long way.

If you know someone who has lost a child and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you’ll make them sad by reminding them the child died…they didn’t forget they died.  You’re not reminding them. What you’re reminding them is that YOU remember they lived and that’s a GREAT, GREAT gift.

~ Elizabeth Edwards

Author: CatherineKnight36

First of all, I love Jesus. I am a wife to an amazing man, and mother of three: my 5 year old son Jeremiah, 1 year old son Judah, and my daughter, Tirzah, now 3 years, is waiting for me in the gardens of Heaven. I am also a Veterinarian. The goal of my blog: Creating community around an honest journey through the joy and grief of life. Blog Topics: Child loss and grief; Attachment Theory in Parenting; Mental Heatlh; Christian Theology and Ministry; Veterinary Medicine; and Community Stories.

One thought on “don’t forget the dad”

  1. Yes, these are good suggestions for friends and family to remember. Recently, when I was looking at Tirzah’s pictures, I was struck by the profound grief that I saw in Ryan’s face. I know he was suffering greatly then and continues to grieve in his own way. I think we should also be cognizant that the grandparents are grieving also. As Tirzah’s grandmother, I have experienced grief and pain. I find that people don’t know how to respond to this grief and usually choose to ignore the subject because they don’t know what to do or say. So I bring my burdens to God which is what I should be doing anyway. Let’s not forget the dads or the grandparents.

    Liked by 1 person

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