Broken Dreams

I woke up this morning crying for Tirzah… Usually, I struggle more at night and think of her as I’m going to sleep…

I have been thinking today about the hole in our lives without Tirzah here… all the dreams and plans we had for our lives with her as part of our family…

I was so excited for Tirzah to wear the dress my great grandma made for her baby dedication, the same dress I wore for mine… I wanted to take cute brother & sister photos like these…. I bought a sailor dress for her so I could carry on my mom’s photo tradition (haha!) and I was going to have her learn the violin like I did…

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This song “House of Broken Dreams” (below) by Mark Heard comes to mind:

Hear the whistle blow
It echoes down my soul
It’s something I have always known
Nothing sounds so sad
A cry to the unknown
The fundamental sigh of all who’ve gone this way before

Lay me down to sleep
Come and comfort me
I’ll sleep in peace
In a house of broken dreams

Give me the reasons to go on
Soften the sorrow that shatters and bends
And mend broken dreams

Lay me down to sleep
Come and comfort me
I’ll sleep in peace
In a house of broken dreams

Even though we know that God’s plans for Tirzah are higher than what our plans and dreams were, and we’re so thankful that Tirzah is with the Lord, and for everything beautiful He’s working through her life, we still feel a deep sense of loss. Death was not God’s original plan… Life was meant to be swallowed up in everlasting life… But we cling to the promise of Heaven (made certain to us by the death and resurrection of Christ, through which He secured the gifts of the forgiveness of God, freedom from the penalty of Hell, and adoption as God’s children)…

Isaiah 8:9 says: “He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken.  It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”

And until then we seek to please the Lord, and make Tirzah proud of us, so she will always be smiling down on us! Jeremiah and I are going to start learning the violin so we can play for Tirzah watching us!!! And we will keep laughing, so she can laugh with us!

photo 2(1) catviolin Jeremiahviolin photo 4

Author: CatherineKnight36

First of all, I love Jesus. I am a wife to an amazing man, and mother of three: my 5 year old son Jeremiah, 1 year old son Judah, and my daughter, Tirzah, now 3 years, is waiting for me in the gardens of Heaven. I am also a Veterinarian. The goal of my blog: Creating community around an honest journey through the joy and grief of life. Blog Topics: Child loss and grief; Attachment Theory in Parenting; Mental Heatlh; Christian Theology and Ministry; Veterinary Medicine; and Community Stories.

2 thoughts on “Broken Dreams”

  1. I am touched by the mixture of grief and hope that you are able to share so sweetly with us. I am able to share your grief in some measure because I have a sister who was stillborn after a nine month pregnancy. It was over sixty years ago, but the sense of loss and unfulfilled expectations are still real. Not as sharp perhaps, but still clear to the memory. Even as a boy I realized that my mother’s grief was profound and unknowable.
    My mother named her Janine and allowed me to choose her middle name, Carol. As years have gone by the family grave plot has greeted many who await the last trumpet’s call to rise in glorified goodness purchased by the atoning work of a mighty Savior. First her mother, gone from us at only 51. Then her father’s parents and finally my father and hers just last year at the age of 91. What a wonderful family procession that will be! Eyes not for one another, but on the Captain of their salvation.
    May God delight you with His goodness and comfort in days to come. Your faith expressed is a great encouragement.

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    1. Thank you Dale. It means so much to me for you to share in my grief, and to share your story with me too. It brings tears to my eyes. I love what you wrote- “eyes not for one another, but on the Captain of their salvation.” I pray that through this, Tirzah would teach her mommy to gaze more longingly and deeply upon the beauty of Christ. Thank you so much Dale!!!

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